WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
