If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
