fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
