I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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