I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize