I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
