Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
