Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
