If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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