do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
