so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
