Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
