I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
