maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
