Moan for me like Helen Keller
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize