My first STD was from a foam party
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..