Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?