he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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