did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.