I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?