Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
