if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
