you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
