A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
