I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
