That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
