I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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