his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
