honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
