I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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