What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I seem to have left my pride at pride
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
