I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
