I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
