oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
