So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
