Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
