I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
