I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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