Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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