He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
