Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
