I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
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It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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