This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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