Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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