EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
