our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
