theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
