I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
