Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
