Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
