My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
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I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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