So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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