i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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