As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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