the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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