If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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