At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
