i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
