I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
