just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
