I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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