Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
