Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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