Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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