I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
