he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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