So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
