Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
