Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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