Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
