guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
