He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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