I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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