I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
