Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
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handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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