ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
